Official Joke Thread: The Philosophy of Ambiguity with Amnesia - Chevy Impala SS Forum
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post #1 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 05:45 PM
BigKahuna13
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Philosophy of Ambiguity. For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity...

1 Don't sweat the petty things. Just pet the sweaty things!
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
22. One nice thing about egotists: They don`t talk about other people.
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

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Kentucky Fried Hillary
This is absolutely incredible. Hillary is all things to all people. Listen to her new rural southern accent as she panders to an African American congregation. Do any of y'all wanna get some fried chicken after the service? Bill's buyin!

I would love to hear one of her talks at a Muslim mosk.

What a fraud! But then, who doesn't know that!

http://www.ifilm.com/video/2829104

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Finally...
this is just terrible. poor little squirrel, can't hold his alcohol.

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/...Drunk_Squirrel

-----

Yeah I'm bored. Whatcha got for me?
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post #2 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 05:52 PM
RamAirImpala
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THIS THREAD GETS 3 THUMBS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #3 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 05:55 PM
96_9c1
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Quote:
Finally...
this is just terrible. poor little squirrel, can't hold his alcohol.
That poor little squirrel is rabid, not drunk
post #4 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 06:09 PM
goldmaster
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How about this squirrel...
post #5 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 10:16 AM
the96pala
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LOL, hey I got a kick out of it


5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
post #6 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 10:34 AM
94 Hooptie Caprice
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Whose bright idear was it for the name Noel (NO-L) to end with a friggin L?

Good thread. I've always said - Give me ambiguity, or give me something else!

The parsley farmer one also reminds me of the saying [earmuffs] "The main difference between parsley and pussy is that nobody ever eats parsley."
post #7 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 11:11 AM
BigKahuna13
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dustman:
THIS THREAD GETS 3 THUMBS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry to hear your 3rd thumb can't get up. Poor sad droopy 3rd thumb. sigh

Bewb, that was teh funny email you just sent. [img]smile.gif[/img]
post #8 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 01:01 PM
Loonatyk
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I got a few


Is crackuh John related to craker jack?

If Marquin's name is Black Kryptonyte, then wouldn't he be his own weakness.

If BK wears shorts in the winter, does he just go South American (naked) in the summer


If Kinda Rare 96's DGGM IMP is so rare, why does his dad have one just like it?


Isn't Unemployed Air Jordan an oxy moron?

Ms. Doubtfire wa a movie about a man posing as a woman. With no pictures of his alleged wife doesn't Bewbz' wifes screen name seem a lil suspicious.

If there is a creator of teh ****e, where is the creator of teh,teh.

More after lunch.. Im hungry
post #9 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 01:08 PM
94 Hooptie Caprice
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Why wouldn't you wear the ribbed kind "outside-in" for your own pleasure?
post #10 of 992 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 02:04 PM
the96pala
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F**king A Loony, that s**t is almost creative.
[img]graemlins/.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/.gif[/img]
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