Official Joke Thread: The Philosophy of Ambiguity with Amnesia

[95 imp]

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing Is moving north or south.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window.




The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened? What's the hold up?'

'Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O'Donnell, Joe Biden, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.'

The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?'



'About a gallon.'

[Big Kahuna]

[95 imp]

Postage stamp malfunction



The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama.
The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:

The stamp is in perfect order.
There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
People were spitting on the wrong side.

[Quagmyer]

Wasn't it a joke thread originally?

[95 imp]

Originally Posted by Quagmyer

Wasn't it a joke thread originally?

yes, that's why you never posted here.


A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I should hope not ma'am, it's only 2130 now."

[Roadhouse]

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a drink and a mop...

[Erik]

Crap. That's my joke!

[Quagmyer]

This thread delivers. And by delivers I mean it blows.

[95 imp]

Originally Posted by Quagmyer

This thread delivers. And by delivers I mean it blows.

just cuz all your lame jokes got deleted doesn't mean we need them to be reposted...

this was prolly the reason why the dude wiped the forum out. he thought he was doing us a real service. don't blow it.

[Roadhouse]

Originally Posted by Erik

Crap. That's my joke!

Sorry.